


Ex-Inspector, Current Assassin

by everyonehasbeatenmetotheusername



Category: The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Album), The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Angst, Assassin Lyf, F/F, F/M, I know no one asked for this, M/M, Multi, Murder, Murder Mystery, Other, Planet Destruction, Trauma, but i wrote it anyway!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:34:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28326159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyonehasbeatenmetotheusername/pseuds/everyonehasbeatenmetotheusername
Summary: Approximately ten seconds ago, ex-inspector Lyfrassir Edda was very sure that they would never have to hear that voice ever again. Approximately ten seconds ago ex-inspector Lyfrassir Edda was sure that even if Marius von Raum had managed to escape the Bifrost, they would never run into him ever again. Approximately ten seconds ago, ex-inspector Lyfrassir Edda was a much saner man.
Relationships: Ivy Alexandria/Raphaella la Cognizi/Marius von Raum, Lyfrassir Edda/Marius von Raum, Lyfrassir Edda/Original Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	1. An Uwanted Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: knives, murder mention, trauma mention

It was supposed to be a simple job. Get in the party, poison the cup, declare the count dead, offer to solve the case, pin it on target 2, and return back in time for the holidays. They didn’t even need a disguise or a fake identity. For once being an ex-inspector was highly valued. They had done dozens of more complex and intricate cases and managed to come out the other side with no evidence. Of course this would be the case to break their streak.

They arrived at the party exactly on schedule. They presented their invitation and flashed a small smile. Everything about their outfit, from their hair to their socks to their five carefully concealed knives, was planned to reflect their persona. Retired cop dealing with intense trauma by exploiting high up connections throughout the galaxy. Let’s just say acting was not a requirement for this particular event. Everything was going perfectly. Until…

“GOOD EVENING INSPECTOR LYF!” A horrifyingly familiar voice rang throughout the ballroom. This was bad. Very, very, very, bad. Approximately ten seconds ago, ex-inspector Lyfrassir Edda was very sure that they would never have to hear that voice ever again. Approximately ten seconds ago ex-inspector Lyfrassir Edda was sure that even if Marius von Raum had managed to escape the Bifrost, they would never run into him ever again. Approximately ten seconds ago, ex-inspector Lyfrassir Edda was a much saner man.

“Von Raum, what a...pleasure to see you again.” Lyf replied, trying very hard not to reach for knife number three.

“We thought you died in the bifrost! We even made your ending extra tragic!”

“My...ending?”

“The ending of our album, of course! One of our best ones, if I do say so myself.” 

“Your...album.” They made an album. About the Incident. They watched everyone die, everyone suffer and turned it into an album. Lyf’s hand tightened on knife number three.

“I never expected to see you here of all places! You look much better when you’re not in that dark cell and silly uniform. Though I’d love to see you out of your current outfit too,” he said, winking heavily just in case his point wasn’t clear enough. “Right,” Lyf replied, doing their best to slowly walk away, “Well, I won’t keep you from...whatever you came here for.” Of course, that was the precise moment Edda’s target decided to walk past. They glanced in xer direction, mapping out where xe was likely to go next. Maybe this mission was still salvageable. Unfortunately Marius was also following Lyf’s line of sight.

“Oh I get it now, no need to make up excuses, inspector!"

“Ex-inspector,” they replied on reflex. “I’m sorry, what?

“You’re obviously looking to have some fun tonight. Shame it won’t be with me, but that fellow over there does look quite nice if I do say so myself. Not a bad replacement.” Lyf turned bright red. Whether from embarrassment or anger, they would never tell.

“I have no idea what you are insinuating, Von Raum. I did not come here to--”

“Again with the excuses! Just go and shoot your shot, don’t worry about looking so professional.”

“Shoot my--nevermind. It doesn’t matter. I am sure you have plenty of other people to annoy, Von Raum. I would appreciate it if you would leave me be for the time being.”

“Of course, of course. As long as you promise to wear protection!” He winked and before Lyf had the chance to deck the man, he was gone. 

This was bad. Very, very bad. Lyf sighed loudly. This was a complete nightmare, and they debated giving up on the entire mission right now before it got any worse.

“It really is a shame seeing such a beautiful person so upset,” Lyf’s target said, holding out a hand, “and at my own uncle’s party! I simply can’t allow it.” Somehow xe had managed to sneak up behind Lyf while they were resisting the urge to jump out the nearest window. Maybe the mission wouldn’t be a complete disaster.


	2. Target Spotted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: light alcohol mention

“Count Farian, though you must already know that,” Lyf’s target introduced xerself in a tone so obnoxiously condescending it almost impressed the ex-inspector. Xe kissed Lyf’s hand as they attempted to look suitably impressed.

“Of course, your excellency.” They managed to pull off a fake blush. Looks you-know-who hadn’t completely thrown them off their game. “It’s an honor to meet you, surely you must have more important people to talk to.”

“I’m a count,” xe laughed, “I’ve had my fill of important people. I want to talk to an interesting person. And you…” Xe paused to take in Lyf’s appearance, “look very interesting indeed. Would you like to dance while you introduce yourself? I’m afraid I don’t have the time to memorize the names of all my guests, especially the...less important ones.”

Lyf smiled. It wouldn’t hurt to indulge the Count in xer last hours alive. “Of course. But I can't promise that I’ll live up the intrigue in your head.”

“Few things do.” Xe took their hand and the two of them made their way to where guests had begun to pair off.

~~~

“Yes, I am sure it was Inspector Lyf, Raph.” Marius had had limited success in convincing his fellow band members of who he saw.

“You can’t blame us for being skeptical, Marius.”

“Raphaella is right. There was a 1.00003% chance of them surviving the Bifrost, and an even smaller likelihood of them escaping with their sanity.” Ivy and Raph had been doing...who knows what while Marius was conversing with the ex-inspector. But judging by their slightly disheveled makeup and several items of jewelry that Marius was sure he hadn’t seen before they were having a great time. “Why would they be here anyway?”

“I don’t know, but I know what I saw. They looked like they were interested in this one fancy person,” Marius said, mostly failing to keep the bitterness out of his voice, “A totally pretentious bastard, too. No clue what they saw in xem.”

“Marius, that describes half the idiots here,” Raphaella sighed, letting her wings stretch out. “You’re going to have to be more specific.”

Suddenly, Marius spotted the person, well, people, in question. “Over there! That’s them! The inspector and whoever that is.” Raph and Ivy followed Marius’s frantic gesturing and saw, to their surprise, the Midgardian inspector.

“Marius, ‘whoever that is’ is Count Farian. The person who threw this whole ball?” Ivy gestured with her glass for emphasis. 

“Well...xe’s still a bastard. Lyfrassir survived their entire solar system dissolving into cosmic madness, they could do better.”

Always one to enjoy a bit of drama, for purely sociological purposes, of course, Raphaella decided to egg Marius on a bit. “Well it looks like Lyf is about to dance with that ‘bastard’ right now.”

Marius glared at the offending figure dancing with the inspector. “I’ll be right back.”

“Of course you will…” Ivy sighed, grabbing another drink off a plate. “Shall we?”

Raph raised her drink in return, gesturing towards their next hideously wealthy target. “We shall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry this took so long to update. I finished up my college apps so I should have more time for writing! Fun times! Murder is coming soon, I promise.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to have some slow update (I'm pretty busy with college apps and regular homework), but I hope you all can enjoy this! Absolutely no one asked for this, but I am going to provide anyway. I'm not really sure which mechanisms/ships I'm going to end up including (or where the story is really going, for that matter), so I appreciate any thoughts or suggestions in the comments! Because of that, I'll also be updating the tags as I go and I'll be putting trigger warning at the notes at the top of each chapter. Keep an eye out for that, please. Merry Christmas for those who celebrate and early Happy New Year for those who experience time!


End file.
